Pink Hearse

The Real Problem With Smartphoness

I feel like all I hear these days is people talking about how

“Technology is ruining this generation”

And I would really like to set one thing straight:

Technology is not the problem, you are the problem.

And if you’re good about not being on your phone all the time

Good for you, I’m not talking to you.

You’re great, please begin touring universities and teaching people

How to do that because that self-control is a skill most people

Don’t have.

Anyway, I was about to compare technology to satire.


With satire, half the audience isn’t in on the joke

But they still find it funny because they agree with the characters

That are supposed to be laughed at rather than with.

There is always the risk when writing satire

That you will empower and encourage the very people

You are trying to inspire some kind of change in.

Why bother writing satire at all then?

It forces people to take a good look at themselves and their surroundings and


And in that way it is something that is quite beneficial to the world.

I have many other reasons but

This has now become a metaphor so stretched you probably thought

This piece would be on satire (but it’s not, I promise).

Technology is like satire in that it benefits society,

But half of the time it’s more harmful than helpful.

But to stop technological advancement because half our population

Basically sucks?

Well actually you could actually make that case.

I’m not saying anyone would agree with you,

But the case could be made.

I would argue that going back to a time when hospitals were basically

Glorified mass graves

Is a bad idea.

But hey, Darwinism sure has a big place on Earth

(That we have now kinda trampled all over).


If you give someone the chance to abuse something, they will probably do it.

This applies to everything from cell phones to entire social structures.

If you give a socially-anxious person (15 million people in the U.S. alone)

A little device that

a) gives you something to do while waiting

b) makes you look like you’re doing something if you’re alone

c) lets you communicate with others without having to speak to them

Of fucking course they’re going to use it as a crutch all the time.

I could go on and list the benefits smart phones have for each type of person

But we’d be here all night so the TL;DR version is that

Technology appeals to and benefits pretty much everyone.

And if you’re spending too much time on your phone,

It’s because you have no self-control

Not because technology is inherently evil or bad in any way.

Technology is only as good or bad as the user is.

Now zooming out,

If you give a group of people some kind of system to use and abide by

There will almost always be someone (at least)

Who finds a way to cheat or abuse it, usually for personal gain.

Even if they don’t need to, sometimes even if they don’t want to.

Human-beings are so weird,

Sometimes I feel the urge to steal something

Even when it means nothing to me and everything to the owner

Just because I have the opportunity.

How insane is that????!!!!

I mean like, I don’t do it of course

But what is that urge all about?

And can you imagine how that urge could motivate someone

Who actually wanted to steal things?

Especially if you put them in a place where everything is easily accessed

And unguarded?

This is basically what is happening/has happened with our world and technology.

One example is mass surveillance from governments.

It’s nothing new it’s just easier now, and what did we really expect?

Of course the government would try to have extensive records of all citizens

And of course it would try to keep track of everyone literally at all times

Like, it would make zero sense if the people in power

Didn’t want to monitor what we’re doing every second.

How else do you maintain power?

It’s certainly a lot easier when you know exactly what everyone’s up to.

If you’re a parent trying to figure out whether or not your child is smoking pot

(Oh noooooo scaryyyyy)

You can ask that kid all the damn questions you want

You still aren’t gonna know shit until you check your kid’s messages.

Now I am not advocating this at all,

My parents did this and though it was, in fact, extremely effective,

It’s also a perfect way to shatter your kid’s trust in you almost entirely

But take my point.

Parents might abstain from invading their kids’ privacy like that because

You know, you want your kid to like you and trust you

But why in fuck would the government give a rat’s ass

If you like or trust them?

They know you already don’t like OR trust them

That’s why they’re watching you masturbate through your laptop camera!

Just kidding. Maybe.

I could go on and on forever about how government is stupid and bad

But that is a post for another time because I don’t feel like getting angry right now.

To sum up this mess of a post,

Don’t blame technology for problems human-beings are causing.

But keep in mind that almost all technology

Will almost certainly be used for malicious purposes,

So be cautious with what you bring into the world

Whether it be really good satire or a new ground-breaking invention.

I bet the dude who invented drones is pretty bummed right now

Along with Bill Gates every time he sees another fucking Harambe meme.

Poor Bill Gates.

This entry was published on November 16, 2016 at 3:59 am. It’s filed under Real Talk and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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